The girl I met online 3 days before my 23rd birthday turned out to be the love of my life. She had a totally different perspective on life and with the help of a little of her tough love, a lot of laughs and knowing she was behind me every step of the way. I learned to like myself a little more and began to realise that not everything that had happened was my fault.
After what happened the last time I told my family I was dating it took me 9 months to tell them about my new relationship. I said nothing about my "gay" life, I continued to hide who I was while in the presence of my family or people my family may know. I stayed out more and more and eventually only went "home" for a couple of nights once every few weeks after multiple "can't you see how you are hurting your mother" calls from my dad. I used the excuse of staying with friends or going to parties or working away until one weekend while staying over with my girlfriend at the rented house we shared, I got a text from my parents asking why my car (with its distinctive personal registration plate) was parked outside a row of terraced houses in a nearby town. I panicked my heart began to race and I felt like I was going to pass out. I went "home" to face the music and was accused of using my friends to lie for me and that my "lifestyle choices" having made me a liar and dishonest. Even at this point I couldn't bring myself to challenge these views and assumptions. They asked why I was there and I explained that I had been dating for 9 months and that was the house my girlfriend lived in. I packed a few more things and before the "conversation" could decend into comments about my "gay uniform", "cocky attitude", "lack of attention to my appearance" (which was short for no longer wearing makeup), "the paedophillic tenancies of people of "that" lifestyle" (apparently if you fall in love with someone of the same sex this also means you have a desire for children of this gender too, according to my mother) and "dangerous lifestyle choice".
After 18months together, buying our first home and getting our first dog, (all things my family missed), my parents finally agreed to meet my partner. We went for a walk in a local park with our new puppy and their dog. They said barely 2 words to my partner and could hardly look at me but as far as I was concerned it was progress. Little did I know after 7 years things would be not all that much further on.
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